Is there some kind of urban myth that drinking wite-out will help you beat a breathalyzer? I can remember hearing that putting pennies in your mouth would help you beat a one, but never wite-out. Of course, if I was in a police station looking at my fourth DUI arrest I would probably try some pretty crazy shit to get out of it as well.
Juan Briceno, 33, was arrested at a taco stand last year and taken to police headquarters so that the cops could administer a breathalyzer test. While Briceno was waiting for the tech to show up and give him the test, he picked up a bottle of wite-out from an officer’s desk and took a chug of it. Once the tech showed up she pointed out to officers that Briceno had “mime-white lips”. Using brilliant powers of deduction the cop checked out Briceno’s lips, checked out the bottle of wite-out and then put two and two together.
Unfortunately for Briceno and us the cops hauled his ass down to the hospital for a blood test where they found he was sporting a .28 BAC. I’ve heard of higher BACs but I have never heard of someone trying to hide it with wite-out.
I wish they would have given him the blood test and then the breathalyzer so that we could find out if wite-out had any effect on the results. The bottle lists wite-out as flammable and harmful if swallowed so maybe it would dick with the test. Of course based on this guy’s luck if they had given him the breathalyzer his BAC probably would have registered higher.
I had no idea but apparently some dude from America’s Hat (Canada) holds the world record for getting kicked in the nuts by a female. Apparently that didn’t sit well with Scottie K, a true patriot, and he decided to take it upon himself to bring the record back home to the great U.S. of A where is belongs. The first few ladies are a little shy but then Scottie finds a whole gaggle of ladies that are more than happy to give his ball sack a good kick.
Today in the links a guide to slacking off at work, an early contender for USC song girl of the year, how to pull an all nighter and the five worst work place blunders.
Again, our readers have spoken. And again, they have spoken incorrectly. I am starting to wonder if I am just an idiot. But then again, since I am writing this post and therefore making the final decision, this can’t possibly be true. Anyway, hundreds of people voted and over 65% of you said you would rather go without a cell phone for a year instead of having to deal with a 28k dial-up internet connection for a year. I have to admit, this is a tough one. The dial-up is absolutely miserable, no doubt. But I don’t even remember how to use a regular phone. Do they even sell those anymore? Let’s get to it:
Your Social Life:
Without a cell, you would be dead in the water. What, are you going to take that girls number from the bar and write it on a napkin? It’s already embarrassing enough to a take a number on any cell phone that isn’t an iPhone (f u Apple)…but the old napkin move would almost guarantee that fake number. Point: Cell Phone.
Your Work Life:
These days, the internet and the cell are both necessary. And a lack of either could get you fired from certain jobs. But, the cell though is like a ball and chain. You are always within 6 inches of your bosses next request, which makes me want to punch him/her. A quality internet connection, on the other hand, can allow you to surf with the best them at work during those “pretend work” times…30-50% of most people’s day. Point: Internet.
Personal Life:
In one scenario you get access to lots and lots and lots of porn. In the other, your significant other gets to know where you are ALWAYS. Point: Internet.
Shit. I guess upon further review I agree with our readers. Internet wins! Screw you crackberry.
It’s laser engraved on the side, hence official. You can’t argue with that.
If you fancy yourself a little bit of a Jack Bauer of even a McGyver you might want to add this “bomb defuser” to kit of stuff that you carry around just in case you need to save the day. This official defuser comes with all the shit you will need to defuse a bomb. It’s got wire cutters, pliers, phillips and flat head screwdrivers, a few knife blades and some other bullshit. It should be noted that this does not come with any kind of instructions on how to actually defuse a bomb. So when the shit hits the fan and the timer is counting down you are still going to have to decide whether you cut the red wire or the blue wire. This official bomb defuser is going for about $22 after shipping but I am sure you could pick up a multi-tool that is probably better for about $10 at your local Home Depot.
We’ve got a real showdown this week. Diggles decided to go with a fitness model so I decided to hit right back with a swimsuit model. On the left is Amanda Carrier a 28 year old fitness model from L.A. who appears to be no stranger to magazine covers from the looks of her MySpace page. On the right is Bar Refaeli a girl who has appeared in a little magazine you might have heard of called the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.
Make sure to check out today’s link to Co-Ed Magazine. After all the uproar over the The New Yorker Obama cover this month, Vanity Fair decided to poke fun at the problem and do the same thing for McCain. It’s hilarious. Look at it.
A Rhode Island man was attempting to break the blood alcohol content record previously set by an Oregon woman last January (.72), but came up short, ringing in at .491.
State Police arrested a man early Tuesday whose blood alcohol level allegedly was .491 — more than six times the legal limit — which they believe is the highest ever recorded in Rhode Island for someone who wasn’t dead.
The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. A blood alcohol of .3 is classified as “stupor,” .4 is “comatose” and .5 is considered fatal, according to the health department.
I’m guessing this comatose guy had himself a couple of Mad Drivers, then was going to head up to Canada for some french fries and gravy. Almost made it.
On a side note, he only managed to come in 3rd in the all-time DUI BAC Competition. Some other Oregonian chick blew a .55 back in November ‘07.
Unless you’re practicing keg stands alone, you should probably have some help with your buddies holding you up. You know it’s not going to end well, with a weird bracing on the shack behind him and the one-arm on the keg. Good thing he drank enough to probably absorb some of the pain of his face-plant.
Today in the links we have a self-unprovement video, Sport’s hottest cheerleaders, the best wrestling video ever and a french lesson with a diry meaning.
Today I added a new feature to the site from the guys over at PhotoCrank. Basically when we enable PhotoCrank on a given picture on the site you can add your own word bubbles and images directly to the photo. If you want to add Chewbacca to the picture and have him dropping an f-bomb you can do that. I figured this picture of a guitar player deep in thought was a great picture to test run this new feature with. Click the blue box in the lower left hand corner of the photo and take your best shot at leaving a crank. You can also view the cranks that other readers have posted on the photo.
When someone tells you not to touch the gun, usually it’s a good idea to listen. Especially if it’s your first time handling one. If you don’t listen, chances are you’ll be taught a lesson. Today’s lesson might scare the shit out of you…
Our favorite new sensation and hardcore gangster rapper Rick Ross (real name William Roberts) may not be quite as hardcore as we thought. In fact, he is a former law enforcement officer and prison guard for Florida’s Department of Corrections. I guess when you are the one locking criminals up, you can collect enough material to rap about too. Unfortunately for Rick, it appears this may affect his street cred some. At least that’s what he seems to think, since he is completely denying any former affiliation with the right side of the law.
Instead, Ross claims that people are just upset at his success because he “came out of nowhere and just took over the streets”. I don’t know if I would go that far, especially given the above photo. But let’s review some lyrics anyway.
“Port of miami, Importing the candy” = illegal
“Never traffic for fun, Only traffic for funds” = illegal
“I handle dope like a vandle off the banana boat” = illegal
“Jose Canseco just snitchin’ because he’s finish, I feed ‘em steroids to strengthen up all my chickens” = i just like this one
“When I’m low on funds, I’m gonna load up guns, Slap you in the head I’m gonna open one” = illegal
Ok, so i don’t see anything about being a corrections officer for 2 years. I must have missed it. It’s probably in another song. Something like, “I make my money, putting fools behind bars is funny. I love the law, almost as much as Tim McGraw.”
A couple of weeks ago two guys broke into a Fred Meyer outside of Monroe, Wash., a suburb south of Seattle. Unfortunately, the two left a trail of stolen goods for the cops to track them down. They made it even easier on law enforcement by falling asleep on the stolen property when the cops arrived. Being good law enforcement agents, the cops snapped a couple photos of the criminals before arresting them. Cops seem to think alcohol was involved, but I wouldn’t rule out meth.
I know how it can be when you’re drunk and just looking for a place to crash for the night. However, I’ve never gone to extremes of breaking into a store to make my pass-out that much more comfortable. I mean you’re sleeping on a laid out hammock and some seat cushions. The grass probably would have been just as comfortable in your drunken state, and it’s not going to put you in jail - where the two are STILL, since they can’t make bail.
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